A Memorial For Mallery - R.I.P. Girlfriend

                                                             August 31, 2016

This is a picture of my daughter Tiffany at age 9, holding Chelsea, my Aunt Patty and Uncle Keith's new Yorkshire Terrier. This puppy was the inspiration for me having a Yorkie someday.

Years latter I finally got my Yorkie: Tiffany( age 21) and Mallery. (7/1/01).

I bought Mallery from a breeder near Iowa City, IA. When I picked Mallery up, at 12 weeks old, the breeder said she was glad someone finally bought her, because her brother was terrorizing her. She was always afraid of other dogs her entire life. I am sure this is why. She did love people though.

Mallery had a lot of grey, and gold, when she was five months old (10/7/01).

Age: 1 year old (May 02)

Our only family picture of Joe, Mallery and I. (Spring 2002)

First hair cut at age 2 year and 1 month (6/11/03)

I have been missing Mallery a lot. I need to find her friend. She is probably in one of the many boxes still in the garage. Maybe the best replacement to sleep with, when I get sad.

Here is a picture of my Aunt Patty, Uncle Keith and Chelsea, as well as Mallery and I. Chelsea had to be at least 13 years old. (Summer 2002- Mallery 2 years old)

We lost both Mallery and my Uncle Keith this year. They both are really missed! I am sure Chelsea and Keith greeted Mallery when she arrived in heaven. (My sister Nancy to next to Keith).

Before we hit the road and became full time gypsies, this was Mallery's backyard.

She used to run out the sliding door to the deck and down the stairs, then wait for us on the red brick path (that Joe built) .

When we got to the bottom of the steps, she would run ahead to the back yard. (This picture was taken at age 4. Her hair looked darker because her hair cut was shorter. The shorter her hair cut on her body the darker she looked).

She found her ball and waited to play catch. Her favority thing to do. (Age 2).

As Mallery matured she became a beautiful blonde.

When her hair was longer on her body, it was more silver than black. Mallery at age 2.

When she got hot, she found the shade. (Age 4, 2005).

A picture my daughter Alisha took of Mallery. Age: 4 years, (Summer 2005) If you missed the previous blogs, it tells more of her life and death. (Go to the bottom of page and click on older blogs link to see those blogs). The next picture continues were I left off in the last blog. I know there have been many "Tributes To Mallery" blogs, but it has been a great therapy for me to adjust to her being gone.

The next day we got Mallery out of the refrigerator. I wanted to open the toy box one more time to say good bye. Joe said, "Are you sure"? I said, "You look first and let me know if she looks OK". After he OKed she looked fine, I told her good bye for the last time. I pet her and she was very cold. It was even harder to bury her than to have her put to sleep or put her in the refrigarator the night before. We said a pray for her after her burial. Then I went to the garage and sorted through all my special rocks that I had collected from across the United States, never knowing what I was going to do with them at the time. Most of the rocks have a marked on the other side saying what state they are from.

My sweet neighbor Mindy, brought over these mums for Mallery because they were her color.

and this beautiful card.

I never knew they made cards like this.

Then I got this card in the mail from Lake Street Veterinary who put her to sleep.

I planted the mum and went out and bought another one to frame her grave.

A card from my sister Nancy,

And my sister Karen.

Of course with each card, the tears of emotion erupted.

Words of comfort from a sister who loves animal as much as I do.

For the last month of Mallery's life, taking her into Wal-Mart or any store became a challenge. She would only stay hidden in her bag for a very short time, and then started to whine and bark, forcing me to leave the store. Before this, she always knew the meno: just go to sleep and peak out once in a while.

I know Mallery has been waiting for me for at least a year to be ready to let her go. She stopped sleeping and sitting with us for that long. She was hanging in there for me, because she knew I needed this time to accept this lose. I know dogs in the wild, leave the pack and wonder off to die by themselves. I remember last summer when we walked the alley, and she would stop at a yard a ways from ours, and try to make a nest there. I didn't understand why she was doing this. I now think that's what she was doing.

 Now that I am more rested, since she has been gone, I see things that I was missing. When the doctor told us to quit giving her high fats, because of her gall bladder problems, the supplements in the form of pills had to be stopped. There was no way to get them down her, and I wasn't going to shove them down her throat. We tried to get a few pills down by mixing them in water or orange juice in a syringe, but she hated it so. I didn't want to make her last days horrible, so we gave it up. If you don't know yorkies, they are stubborn dogs, and will fight you until they win, if they don't want something. One of those pills was a seizure supplement that literally stopped the seizures last summer. She was still getting a supplement in a spray form 2 times a day, so I was hoping that one would keep the seizures at bay. I see now that her walking in circles in the video's were early signs of seizure activity in her brain. When dogs have early symptoms of seizures it makes them feel funny and also needing to be close to you. I think she was probably having early symptom the last week during the night and that is why she was so wakeful. Why I didn't realize this when it was happening is beyond me, except that I was so tired. I knew this from her having seizure a year prior, but it just didn't register in my brain at the time. I guess I was overwhelmed with the increasing daily care of all the new medications the doctors had  her on, her not eating much but crackers and cheerios, her restlessness, and the up coming events.

 Mallery didn't enjoy the yard this summer, like she did last year. She never just laid down and relaxed. She would pace for a while, maybe lay down for a minute, then get back up and pace again or bark to let us know she wanted us to come get her. Another indication she was not as happy and content as before. So in my heart I know I made the right decision, but I still have all these thoughts that rerun over and over in my brain. I guess I am just one of those people who just tries to fix problems and has a hard time stopping. I had been saying daily healing prayers for her, and saw many miracle turn arounds in her health. These unusual improvements surprised her doctors, and encouraged me. We had stopped the seizures and her kidney levels were almost within normal limits. God answered pray after pray. I prayed just let her live for a summer at the lake. She got two summers. I prayed he would let her live long enough to get her back home so I could let her rest in peace in her yard. I prayed to let her live long enough until family left so I didn't have to pretend happiness when company was here. Answered prays go on and on, and I give God the Glory for these answered prayers.
 I truly believe in the power of prayer, so in the end I felt like I gave up on her and my faith. I know the world says we all have to die, which we do, but not with sickness and disease. When Jesus walked the earth, he went about healing the sick, and told us when he left, we could do the same, as stated in John 14:12,
¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it".

  I was praying that when she died, she would be healed and go in her sleep peacefully. I wouldn't have to decide the day she died. 

 I got distracted from my faith from the circumstances and worries of this world.  In Matthew 13, Jesus tells us the Parable of the seed. This is a verse from that parable ; ²² The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful".  I let all the circumstance, fears, and deceitfulness of the world make my final decision, and that I regret. I had been so busy with my trip to Alabama to care for my daughter, to getting ready for guests, and then guest coming, not to mention all the care of Mallery. The worries of the over $1000 I spent in a month with vet bills, not to mention the cost I was already incurring, giving her the daily fluids and supplements. Then to not see any improvements, didn't help either. I didn't make room to spend time in the word. When you spend time in the word of God, it strengthens you. I got worn down. I took my eye off Jesus. I had forgot to put on my belt of  Truth, shield of Faith and my sword of the Spirit as stated in Ephesians 6:10-18.

That said, Mallery is in a better place and I know I will see her again someday. (Romans 8:38). She can see again, breath better, and run and play ball once more.
 I know I am confusing you now, with saying at one moment I regret my decision, but yet I know I made the right decision! As a Christian, as long as we believe that Jesus is our Savior, we will go to heaven when we die. But if we followed the word and don't get distracted in this world, we could see the fruits of our labor. Kind of like you take tests, and get  C's, making it possible to graduate. Verses getting straight A's and get scholarships to go to college.

A lot of people who are not pet owners just don't understand the bond that we have. For me our pets are gifts from God and closest you will get to the love of God. There is not a friend, relative, sister, daughter, mother, father, or husband that hasn't cause disappointment in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am sure I have been a disappointment as a relative, wife, daughter, mother, sister, grandmother, or friend as well, as said in Roman 3: 23, "For all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God". No person is meant to take the place of our Lord and Savior, who is the head of the body of Christ.

Mallery was my best friend. When the world didn't understand me, hear me, forgive me, or love me, I always had her unconditional "Love". She was kind of like a little Jesus in my pocket or by my side. There has been a emptiness in my life since she has been gone. I understand why! She has been by my side for 15 years and 3 months (and constantly for the last 8 years), never once got mad at me; always made me smile and laugh; and always happy to see me when I came home. Who is always like that except Mallery and Jesus.

I am Ok with the emptiness, it means something special is missing from my life. She was the very best girlfriend a girl could ever ask for

                ^{Only the special Love of Jesus can fill that hole. 13} Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13