Another beautiful day on the water (Sept 11). This day it was just Joe and I. I remember this boat ride being a sad day for me missing Mallery. During the days after Mallery's passing, I had been woken up during the night several time. Once by her whimpering. As I awoke, I told her in my mind, Mallery, you are gone. The next night she woke me with a yap! Again, "Mallery you are not here anymore" A few nights later, she shook, making the sound I always heard of her collar, when she shook. I did get up one night, hoping she was there. (I know to you all this sounds crazy, but I had been praying for her to be healed and then healed/ resurrected, another reason it took me so long to put her to sleep and to bury her. I strongly believe in miracles and the power of God to do anything, and yes even resurrections. Matthew 19:26, "with God ALL things are possible"). Another night it was a bark, then another night it was a snort. Every night she woke me with one of her many ways of communicating to me. Was she saying good bye in the Spirit to me, or was my mind expecting to hear her any moment out of conditioning, since she had been waking me up for over a year with all her issues. Or was she there and my believing, but unbelief, took away my miracle. I don't know! I do know that every night it was a different sound and never again the same sound. It sounded like she was really in our bedroom and real, but she wasn't. I was caught between believing a miracle, and trying to letting go. When God doesn't answers prays, it's either our unbelief or he has a better plan! |
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